Shift the relationship from opposition to partnership. Below are eight strategies David put into practice, all of which you can use to get conversations back on track and then move them forward. To have more-effective conversations, he needed to add more tools to his conversational toolbox and learn to use them skillfully. Instead of motivating and facilitating progress, he exasperated and exhausted his team. Instead, his team members left unconvinced and uncommitted.ĭavid’s conversational inflexibility made it near impossible for him to lead change. David believed that if he “won” an argument - through logic, force, or stamina - that meant his conversational partner had accepted his argument and would proceed to act upon their agreement. David argued, and when Leela pushed back with concerns and counterarguments, he batted them away. He believed that the programs could accommodate 20% more students at the same staffing level with no loss of student satisfaction Leela disagreed. When people were slow to step up and take on key tasks and roles, David felt frustrated by what he saw as their unwillingness to assume responsibility.įor example, when he spoke with Leela, the head of the school’s specialized online master’s degree programs, he shared his plan to increase enrollment in these programs to boost revenue. Doing so required building his team members’ commitment to and sense of ownership over the proposed changes. Recently appointed to a business school leadership role, he was eager to advance his strategic agenda.
Switch off defensiveness and avoid asking leading questions such as, “You don’t want to become known as the difficult person in the office, do you?” Rather, try asking open-ended questions like these: How does this affect you? What’s at stake for you? What is this conversation like for you? What do I need to understand? What would help us to get on the same page?ĭespite our best intentions, conversations can frequently veer into difficult territory, producing frustration, resentment, and wasted time and effort. Be sure to examine the other’s perspective with openness and curiosity. Try repositioning yourself - both mentally and physically - side by side with the other person so that you’re focused on the same problem. In the midst of a difficult conversation, it’s easy to see your conversational partner as your opponent. For example, you can reframe your relationship with your counterpart. To prevent frustration, resentment, and wasted time and effort and increase your conversational agility, learn to use different tools and techniques that can bring even the most difficult conversations back on track. Even when we have the best intentions, work conversations frequently veer into difficult territory.
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